Francesco’s Fail

Francesco’s Pizza 4/1/16 – Edison, NJ – Don’t believe I’ve written a review about this slop hole before. I’m not surprised. Any place that fax’s over a ‘Specials’ menu daily that’s as long as the English alphabet should be avoided. You got too many damn items on the menu which is interfering with your ability to focus on your craft – which should be to deliver good food. Instead, customers order dishes the chef questions ‘we have that on the menu?’ cause he obviously can’t fuckin’ remember how to properly cook  it. Take a look at the fax below;

Second HalfFirst Half

What the fuck are you doing that you fax us a new specials list every day? How do you come up with this shit? You’ll notice that at the bottom of the fax they write, “Order can be placed as early as 9:30am!”…in parenthesis underneath they should write – (and it’ll still look and taste like complete shit and not be the way it’s described in the menu!!).

Ya see…I’ve been on a semi-health kick lately so I tried to order something not too fattening and high in protein. Nothing in the specials list appealed to my health, so upon further review of the actual menu I found something that sounded decent; Chicken Scaparella – Boneless breast, sweet sausage, broccoli rabe in a garlic and oil/white wine sauce. Mmmm sounds so delightfully healthy…HA! What a fucking joke! I should file a false advertising suit. This shit came in tin container with about an inch of some sort of olive oil/butter mixture on the bottom. Soggy as fuck. The sweet sausage looked undercooked and more unappetizing than a pile of lard shat out of a cows ass. The pasta would turn to moosh upon being stabbed by my fork and would come to resemble white poop. I also counted the amount of chicken in it by bites. There were six bites of chicken in this slop bowl that appeared to be breaded (couldn’t tell – it was too damn soggy). The rest of the meal was supposed to be sculpted around the chicken, not the other way ’round.Francescos Menu 2

Part that really pissed me off is I didn’t get the salad I chose as my side. I guess it’s a side? I mean it came with pasta which I didn’t know I was going to get because I chose a salad…but then if you look at the top of the menu it says served with pasta. Well, if it’s served with pasta why the fuck would you order pasta as a side ya fuckin’ asshats. Are you trying to kill people? Specifically diabetics who’s bodies can’t process carbohydrates the way a normal person’s pancreas would? Ya fuckin’ murderous fucks. If Gordon Ramsey had to visit this place he’d probably burn it to the ground.

Gordon Ramsay Fuck Off

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