Riddle and Never Again

Riddle and Martin – South River, NJ 9/26/15

I’ve been to this sub shop in South River, NJ before and don’t really remember my first experience cause I don’t frequent it – which should have been a red flag to begin with. Let me tell you though…you should definitely think twice about eating at a place that’s the bottom floor of someone’s residence that doesn’t appear to have been renovated since they fucking invented wood panel walling. Actually….it’s half of the bottom floor. The other half appears to be an apartment.

First off, you walk in the place and it’s tight as hell. No more than I’d say… seven customers could stand in the shop at any given time. If you’re at the end of the line most likely you’ll have to move because the one door used for entering and exiting opens and closes into the space where customers stand and wait to place their order. Unless of course you can work something out with the owner so you get paid for being a fucking doorman. This also means you have to weasel your way past everybody in line to exit. Surprisingly though, the place gets good business. When we walked in the door the line was about five customers deep. If memory serves me correctly, my first experience also had a line. I wouldn’t be surprised if the people that own/live in the building are the ones that own the shop as well…and rent out the apartment next door. Talk about trying to squeeze every cent out of a real estate investment. If you’re gonna open a damn sub place though… at least do it right and provide some good food instead of a pricey ass sub I eat half of then throw away. Jesus. I hate wasting money on bad food…and I hate wasting food.

The quality compared to the price of the subs is complete horse shit. I’m strictly talking about pricing something by how it tastes. First off the deli meats and cheeses aren’t Boars Head. Yet, for their delightfully disgusting deli meats I still paid 10.99 for a whole Italian sub (boiled ham, capacola, and salami & cheese). What a friken’ ripoff man. If I’m giving you 10.99 you better be giving me a sandwich I’m not gonna struggle to eat because the ingredients are fucking disgusting. That being said – the guy that took my order was the one doing the slicing of the product. He sliced the ham fine, but damn! he sliced the friken’ capacola and salami about a quarter inch thick AND plopped a total of four slices of each along the entire length of the sub. Taking it home and eating it was like biting into a couple of meat patties made of low quality cow manure slapped on top of one another. I understand operating a small business is difficult these days, and the ability to cut costs by any means necessary is understandable which would explain the low ass quality of the ingredients, but for christ’s sakes at least learn how to operate a damn deli meat slicer. No one wants to eat cheap deli meat that isn’t thinly sliced. My own opinion is when shitty meats are sliced more thinly the disgustingness levels are slightly less than they would be if it was sliced into fuckin’ hockey pucks. Coulda dropped one of those slices on the drive way and hit it around with a hockey stick…no one would know the difference. Thin slices would of at least made it a little more bearable to eat. I’m gagging as I type this. What a waste of money. 10.99? I probably could of went to another sub shop that used higher quality ingredients, but as far as I’ve experienced there are no good sub shops in this area. The sub roll was also kinda shitty too…dry…kinda broke apart with each bite. Another cheap ingredient I guess. They probably drive over to Shop-Rite, buy all the old bread that’s going to be expired in a few days, and freeze it to save on costs…cheap fucks.

This is just my opinion however. I hope it helps you in your decision to eat here. I can only recall every having this one rare delicacy from Riddle & Martin which really shouldn’t be the basis for your decision of endeavoring your tastebuds. Come to think of it, my niece actually stated – while we were sitting at the kitchen table feasting – “The salami at Riddle & Martin isn’t good…you shouldn’t have gotten it.” – oh, well thanks for your timely review. She had a ham and American cheese sub…and she scarfed the whole thing. Maybe my standards are just too high…or maybe I can more easily distinguish between good and bad subs….or maybe my niece just sucks at picking places to eat. Anyway….I give Riddle & Martin a score of; never again unless asked by niece.cropped-big-dave.png

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